"You should start a blog."
Yeah, right, I've thought. I mean, my perspectives are important to me, but who else really wants to read about them? I mean, maybe my mom. Because, you know... she's my mom. But who else?
Yet, as much as I've squashed it, pushed it, flicked it to the back of my thoughts, the idea keeps resurfacing.
I journaled almost obsessively as a kid and teenager. I still have those journals- stacks of them buried on a shelf in our laundry room. I've tried to read them but when the embarrassment of listening to my young self rises to the level in which I feel I may vomit, I quickly shove them back on that shelf. Yet I can't quite make myself toss them away... so they still sit on that dusty shelf.
It's the fear of vulnerability that has stopped me up until this point. I was so vulnerable back then... and that was just writing to myself on the blank pages of my journal. Blogging means putting it out there in this big blank space for anyone to read. To comment. To criticize. To judge. A whole world that was not even an option when I was 14, writing furious by flashlight in my bedroom at one in the morning.
But isn't this entire world just constant opportunities for those things- for commenting, criticizing and judging? We all do it, even if it's not intended to be hurtful, even if it's only our thoughts that never become words. And with those opportunities comes other chances... chances to see the world from a different perspective, chances to find camaraderie and support, chances to laugh about something you may otherwise cry about.
I'm a mother. I'm a behavior specialist by profession. I'm a mother who fails miserably as a behavior specialist at home.
I'm a wife. I'm a daughter, a sister, a friend.
I'm an athlete who is a hell of a lot slower than I used to be.
I have 3 c-section scars, laid beautifully on top of one another.
I'm a divorcee and a co-parent.
I'm a perfectionist. I'm Monica from Friends with the secret messy closet.
I'm sarcastic by nature, but not always happy with my husband when he is.
I curse a lot in my head throughout the course of a day. I'm not always so great at filtering it.
So maybe you are here because we are Facebook friends and you followed my link out of curiosity or courtesy. Maybe you're here because reading about my parenting... and human... fails make you feel like you are doing just fine. Maybe you just need a laugh. To be honest, I'm not sure where this will take me or what I will write about. It's likely to be as random as my thoughts.
I'm going to take a chance here. I'm going to take this for a ride and see where it goes.
Care to join me?